I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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