totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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