I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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