Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You dont lie about slip and slides
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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