If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
