so explain again why im purple
no
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
