worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
