after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize