Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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