Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize