Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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