How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
