Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
