Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My life is pants optional.
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