first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
