A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
