I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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