I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
