shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
