Kiss
Puke
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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