i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
