I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I cannot find my penis.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Randomize
