I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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