You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
