That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
