tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
