Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
