take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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