He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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