You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
FUCK WHALES
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