Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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