I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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