I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I can't put those talents on a resume
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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