Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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