were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
