I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Come share oat with me in your robe
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
