My girlfriend figured out who you are.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Randomize
