You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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