I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
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