I smell stomach acid.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
