tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
