I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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