I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
