Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We have started to decorate penises.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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