I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
