And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
