I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
