She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
