tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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