:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
