I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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