Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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