Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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