Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
