Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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