Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize