I heard we made out
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I will be naked everywhere
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Randomize
