I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
