Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
