I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
