you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
