Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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