I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
