Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
