all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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