She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
