Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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