In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
