i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
