guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
being pregnant is like rehab
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
