I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
