fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
