worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
