somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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