I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
