Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
