i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
