i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
