Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
