i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
