So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I've blown a few things in my day
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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