We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
FUCK WHALES
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
