I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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