Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
