I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
