I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
