Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize