Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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