The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
