I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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