I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
the day after is always just damage control
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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