If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
