Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
