Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
