My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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