She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize