then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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