he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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