his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
