Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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