Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
