Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
