He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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