this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
