there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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