No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
