Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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