Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
