Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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