I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
