I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize