I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
